In November/December 2016 (after Assistance Group 3) I slipped into suffering – well it felt more like falling over a cliff. Every day or so another intense pain would register in my body until it was as though every pain I had ever experienced came back all at once with renewed intensity. People asked me if I had a diagnosis and my reply would be “How many ways do you sin?” I could identify at least 6 distinct areas in my body that were affected – hips, knees, hands, frozen shoulders, lower back and all my muscles were taut and subsequently the tendons were all stretched. It hurt to move.
The level of pain was about an 8 out of ten and it was relentless – day and night – it did not stop. In fact the pain at night was worse; I could not sleep for more than about an hour at a time. I was essentially crippled and could only hobble a couple of meters to the bathroom. It was very scary and it was all encompassing: like I could not hold a conversation (a bit like being in the labour stage of child birth – the pain takes over).
I have no doubt that 99.99% of people experiencing this would seek medication, which is why the ageing world is highly medicated. I did not. I used the pain I was in as leverage to find a way out, a cure. After 7 years of listening to Jesus and Mary, I had to face the truths of their teachings. I discovered how determined I was, some would say stubborn (it was probably the first time I used my determination in a positive direction and not just to get my own way).
I realised that:
The Law of compensation had caught up with me – my time was up.
This was the onset of suffering because I was not feeling my pain.
I was responsible for this situation I found myself in.
I was the only one who could solve it by feeling my emotions.
I could not do it alone; I wanted God’s help. (I tried to make myself feel emotions and found it very hard.)
I wanted to change – to become more loving.
I wanted to develop the four tools – faith, truth, humility and action.
I tell people I was crippled and if they ask I tell them that I got better by: praying, crying, and swimming.
I am not an expert in Divine Truth so I cannot be a teacher; I can only share my experience and this is it. I noticed that the more sincere I was about my desires, the more I was in harmony with God’s Truth and Love, now it felt like all God’s Laws were supporting me – they were the wind beneath my wings. It means taking one small step from being unwilling to feel emotions to being willing and wanting to feel my emotions; to wanting a relationship with God; to wanting to become more loving. That means getting out of denial and stopping all those things we do – deny, minimise, blame, doubt, judge, self-punish (or maximise things – make them so big I can’t do it). We have to recognise these are all lies and STOP them. This takes courage to see God’s Truth about ourselves and everything.
I like the book Jesus and Mary recommended called South Of Forgiveness. It is a great example of how much courage it took both the perpetrator and the victim to admit even to themselves what had happened, and just admitting the truth of it. This awakening to my situation took that kind of courage; staying in denial would not bring any change. And staying in addiction would only bring comfort at best – and there is no growth in comfort.
Within 12 months I was fairly mobile, doing a bit in the garden and still praying, crying and swimming. It took a while to realise that I had got myself out of suffering. If being unwilling to feel our pain results in suffering then clearly being willing to feel our pain is the way out of suffering. As I said: one small step – but it takes courage and determination and as much faith as I could accumulate.
In 2015 I had started experimenting with Praying for God’s Love and had some beautiful experiences during which I received a lot of truth. So here was my basis for Faith: I had to keep reminding myself of these experiences and letting them accumulate. (My guides advised me to do this.)
For myself I went back over the Assistance Groups from 2014 and 2016 and chose the most important things for me. From 2014, the very last session Pray For God’s Love was my starting place, making this the top priority in my life, every day and every minute that I would remember. Let me say that attending the 2014 Assistance Group was a bit like visiting a foreign country without knowing the language. I just knew a few phrases to maintain a facade of superiority.
In 2016 AG1 Jesus introduced the four tools – Faith, Action, Truth and Emotions – (FATE) and taught us that if we develop these four tools we will grow; and if we don’t we wont. Pretty clear I thought. Thanks to the friend who gave me the acronym.
From 2016 AG2 I learnt the importance of having compassion for how our facade was created, initially by our carers/parents. I found compassion a really important quality to overcome judgement (of myself or others). If I found myself judging someone for their behaviour, I was not seeing the truth of their injuries which were causing their addictions and behaviour, and truth led me to compassion.
And 2016 AG3 – How benevolent and loving is God, that He measures my intentions even if I don’t achieve the result I intended. God does not expect me to be perfect in my behaviour, but He would like me to have loving intentions and then I get all the rewards – there is a faith builder right there!
Today in 2019 my priorities are still the same: if I am ever stuck for a time (like a few days) I go back to these basics – my relationship with God and reinforcing my desires.
I also use a white board in my office where I write up these top desires; they are unchanged. I also list my repentance relationships and forgiveness relationships. Whatever topic I am focused on learning at the time also features; so at the moment it is God’s Principles from AG3. I think they will be there for a while. Sometimes I write up Law of Attraction events I notice that I want to give priority to.
The other thing is that when an emotion comes up I honour the moment as much as possible – feel it then and there is always best. This works well when I am at home alone, and not so well when I am away (that is when I record them on my phone). I can not tell you whether these things have assisted me, but I do know they are a sign of my sincerity.
For the last two years now I have lived in a place of gratitude for God’s Goodness, Jesus and Mary’s Teachings, and my friends for putting up with me. I am happy for the first time in my life, my brain works better, my body improves every month or so, and I am enjoying relationships (both new and old) like never before – well before it was all about me – real faith builds with these experiences. In short I love my life – love it. Now all I want is to help others who want to progress on God’s Way; that is my life’s mission.
I have completed Action Lists for 2016 Assistance Group 1. If you would like a copy please email me or text me. yvonnejoyharris@gmail.com or 0419 004 855
International Assistance 